Dear ADHD Brain, Oh, How I Hate Cooking

Cooking dinner is the hardest thing I do some days.

Photo by Brady Rogers on Unsplash

There are days when cooking dinner is the hardest thing I do. I’m a good cook. I know what I’m doing in the kitchen. But none of that matters with my ADHD brain!

There are SO MANY steps.

Cooking dinner isn’t as simple as grabbing something from the fridge and throwing it on the stove to cook.

There is a whole process involved.

The steps

There is probably debate on the first step.

I shop for the food, which includes a good mix of proteins and veggies that I like. Then, I figure out what I will make with said ingredients.

Sometimes, doing this step after the first means I don’t have ingredients, but there is no way my brain is playing the game of meal planning every day and then sticking to it. What if I don’t want it that day? I need the flexibility!

I say figure out. What I really mean is yell to ChatGPT that I don’t want to eat the third round of turkey burger that I bought for this week, so please, dear god, make it interesting. And then deny every option it gives me until it probably wishes that I didn’t pay for the plan that allows me to message it all the time.

So shop, have some idea of what I can make, then we’re on to the making.

But there’s a step in between, remembering what I decided to make with the meal. Ok, now on to the making.

This part is a mess. There is no mise en place. It’s just chaos, tears, and sheer willpower to make it through.

There are usually about 10 more utensils used than one should ever possibly need. Probably at least 2 cutting boards. Sometimes, an extra bowl because the first one went flying.

There are so many things to think about. Balancing so many different aspects of the recipe (or concoction if we’re being honest).

The food needs to be done at the same time, so it’s thinking ahead and figuring out what needs to be started and when.

Then there is the remembering you’re cooking while you’re taking care of the prep for the other parts of the recipe. Because when you burn the food, you either have to live with the yuck or start all over.

Guess what? Chicken thigh… jerky!

(Bad millennial joke, but I had to!)

The other day, I was grilling. I had chicken thighs that I thought would cook faster than they did. I kept setting a timer, temping them and they were just a few minutes away from done each time.

I was good for a bit, diligently setting a time for the next sprint of time. But then I committed the crime. I sat down, didn’t set a timer, AND started scrolling Instagram.

I bet all of you know what happened next. I ended up with chicken thigh jerky, burned in some areas and dried out in others.

I meant to do that

The next day, I was cooking the rest of the chicken thighs. I get to the end. I’m cutting them up, and I completely drop an entire thigh on the floor because I’m trying to work around things and balance the cutting board on the stove where it definitely doesn’t belong.

My partner and I were talking about it afterward. “You could have just moved the rice cooker out of the way, and you would have had room on the counter.” My mind was blown. That thought never occurred to me. I’m hanging by a thread, trying not to cut my finger off, and I don’t have time to survey my surroundings!

Executive function overload

Cooking is a lot for an ADHD brain. It relies heavily on many of the things that are impacted by ADHD.

• Working memory is used to remember the ingredients.

• Attention helps you not burn the ingredients.

• Self regulation to not lose your shit when you drop the chicken thighs on the ground.

• Time management allows things to be cooked on time and know how much time has passed.

• Organization is required to be able to gather the ingredients, follow the recipe, and not lose the spatula AGAIN!

• Impulse control stops you from setting the oven to broil to speed up the cooking process.

• Flexible thinking can help you realize that you could just move the rice cooker and have more room on the counter instead of the stove.

• Planning and prioritizing allow you to be able to figure out what to cook first, second, and last, so that things are done on time.

Brain Reframe

What if cooking feels so hard, because it actually is?

As ADHDers, we spend a lot of time saying “should.” This should be easy. I should be able to do this. Our expectations of ourselves are high. But we don’t go through our day planning to burn dinner.

If effort and intention were all it took, we would all be Michelin-level chefs. But ADHD means that even with the best intentions, sometimes we wander off and forget we’re cooking, mess up the timing, or drop food on the floor because we’re out of space, and just over it already.

I see you.

You’re doing enough.

Even when the food burns.

Even when everything falls apart.

You’re trying. That counts.

And we know the truth.

Cooking on chaos and spite,

Elizabeth

If you’re into ADHD real talk, emotional honesty, and refusing to feel bad about box mac and cheese, subscribe to Dear ADHD Brain. We do things differently here.

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If dinner makes you question everything, you’re not broken. You’re just tired of trying to make it all work with zero support. Let’s talk.